I smell stomach acid.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
