The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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