And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
