the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
