SEEEEXXX PLEASE
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You are the jesus of drinking
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
