the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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