i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
