After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
