Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Couch. On fire.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize