I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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