so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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