Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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