This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
