My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
