i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
