Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
