Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
