I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
