I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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