Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
