Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
