That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
