How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
