I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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