He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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