dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
