32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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