Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
