that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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