I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
