u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
