sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
