Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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