Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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