Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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