I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
