I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
