Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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