You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
