omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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