remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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