U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm too high and old for this...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
