New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
