We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
