well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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