Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
