pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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