I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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