if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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