so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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