Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
