it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dicks are not precious.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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