So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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