We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize