i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
