My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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