Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You pole danced in your parka.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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