I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
