dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You ruined the universe
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
