Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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