i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
