so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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