I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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