Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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