Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
