The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I didn't notice because vodka
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
