Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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