Already got asked if we're dating
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
