Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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