It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
