I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
