You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
BRING THE BAGELS
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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